We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
