It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
