is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I want a musical about memes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
