I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
