remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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