she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
