Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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