do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
