she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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