she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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