his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
