she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
