i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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