ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
