Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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