That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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