During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize