areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
