I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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