Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
