I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
