i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
