UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Never underestimate the power of titties
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