dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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