what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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