I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
