Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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