I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
