Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
