ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
