I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
