Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I party with great urgency now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
