I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
