your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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