Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
