If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
