i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
