trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
