clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
