I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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