I showed him my bush... on skype.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize