just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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