i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
