NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
