I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
