there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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