they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
