VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
