I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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