U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
