wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize