I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
