There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
