PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
