The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
