I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
