after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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