You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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