Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
