She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
