I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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