they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
