yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
