I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
