Whod you bang
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
