Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
