I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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