I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
