are you so shy because you have an std?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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