WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
