You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
