The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
