was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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