I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
