he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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