I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
