I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
