The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
