Don't you send me to vm
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
