Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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