I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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