well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
