mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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