im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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