Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize