You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and i looked up. we had an audience...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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