i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
