I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
