I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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