he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
