And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Houston, we have a blender
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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