I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
