Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
