I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
