tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
