Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
