Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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