Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize