You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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