I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
