threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
