thus making me awesome and them whores
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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