dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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