he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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