So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
