i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
