Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize